Jumpstart your practice of Anti-Racism with ACT and Mindfulness
I am going to tell you something right now that is going to make you uncomfortable: Your brain is genetically hardwired to “otherize” people. Studies show that as early of 3 months of age, a baby will prefer to look at faces that share the same race as their parents, and at 9 months a baby will recognize faces of their own race faster than others. From an evolutionary perspective, it makes sense. Our very survival used to depend on our closeness to our tribe- hundreds of thousands of years ago. Several hundred years of humans living in close proximity with mixed races isn’t going to undo a million or 2 years of evolution, and less than a century of “integration” is certainly not going to make a dent. Our brain is simply wired to automatically categorize and make judgments based on your experience and upbringing. That is just what it does. It is a judging machine. As much as it makes our lives hell sometimes as a result, it also keeps us very much alive because of it.
Most of us ‘non racist’ folk grew up being told that all people are created equal and therefore should be treated accordingly, but looking around we definitely did not see that message add up. As we grew up we watched and absorbed everything around us and our brain did it’s best to make sense of it. There was always a good reason that someone was experiencing something, right?? We trusted the world, and it is really frightening for a child to question that trust. The same extends to whenever we catch our mind making an assumption about a person or situation, making even the tiniest bit of a racist thought or judgment, we immediately rationalize it or push it away (if we choose to be aware of it at all) - because we are obsessively holding onto the belief that we are “NOT racist”. Only bad people are racist. If I thought that guy was threatening, or lazy, it was definitely because of what he was wearing, not because of the color of his skin. This rationalization, this ignoring of the reality of the essence of the normal and natural thoughts that we have - this is how “not racist” people, well intentioned people just like me and you, unintentionally perpetuate systemic racism.
So what do we do with this information? Well first, it is important that we accept the fact that we are born biased, and that this isn’t a fault of our character. You have to forgive yourself for being innately racist. It won’t do any good to try to ignore, suppress, rationalize, or beat yourself up over this part of yourself. As my favorite clinical psychologist Steven Hayes so aptly said, “You are not to blame, but you are responsible.” This is where it gets uncomfortable, folks. If you REALLY want to be anti-racist, you are gonna have to do some dirty work, and make room for some pretty uncomfortable feelings in the process.
Step one: Turn on your mental flashlight and intentionally seek out any uncomfortable racist thoughts or judgments you have. When you are out in public, at work, anywhere, be noticing your mind and what it is saying. Be honest with yourself. It’s okay. These thoughts are supposed to be there, it is NORMAL for them to show up. It does not make you a bad person just to have them there. This is mindfulness in action, this is noticing and it is important that we don’t judge ourselves for the thoughts and tendencies we notice within ourselves, even if they go against our values.
If you are sitting here saying “nope, I never ever have any of these thoughts” you haven’t pushed your awareness enough. Get out there and FIND a tendency you have. Still can’t? Ask someone: “What do I do sometimes that makes you uncomfortable?”
When these thoughts or tendencies show up and we turn away from them or rationalize them, it ends up “subconsciously” influencing our behavior. We don’t listen well, we dismiss. We often don’t notice these behaviors, but the subject often does. And this brings us to....
Step two: Once you have noticed your biased thoughts and tendencies, take a moment to consider the subject/s of these thoughts and tendencies. Put yourself in that subject’s shoes and really marinate yourself in the feeling that you would have if someone thought this way about you, or did this thing to you. Really immerse yourself in this. I know it is uncomfortable, but in the service of commiting to being anti-racist, you can do this. For your community, for your relationships, for your fellow humans in pain. Remember that this is an exercise in compassion. Then, consider these questions:
Why does this hurt?
What values does this go against for me?
What kind of a person do I strive to be, and
Do these feelings that are coming up in these “others” match the intentions I have?
This is when you should start to feel motivated to change something. Instead of channeling this energy into self punishment or blame or shame, channel this to taking meaningful action, which is…
Step three: Make a commitment to change. It might mean simply looking someone that your mind just made a quick judgment about in the eyes. It might mean openly sharing your intention with someone “I want to hear your perspective” or “I want to be sensitive and respectful to you”, or humbly asking someone to guide you if you just don’t know what to do. It might mean kindly speaking up to someone who is “invisibly” or unintentionally acting racist. It can be so many things. Following through with this takes some courage and humility, and it speaks volumes to who you are as a person.
Note on step 3: It is important that you take some kind of action here. Anyone who has been in counseling with me knows what I would say about a goal of being “not” racist: this is a dead man’s goal. If a dead man can do it, then it isn’t a goal. Being “anti-racist”, on the contrary, warrants some kind of action.
Practice these steps everyday that you are out and around others. At work and in the community. Being mindful and aware of your mind and what it is saying and pushing you to do allows you to call out your own self and your deeply ingrained biological and cultural programming before you subconsciously follow through. Consider the perspective of the people around you when you are interacting with them, consider the person you are and strive to be, and make a commitment to show up somehow. This is entirely in the service of humanity. This is being humble. This is actively forgiving and improving yourself. This is keeping your values ahead of your mind’s biological shortcomings. This is throwing a wrench into the well oiled racist machine that is our greater society. This is being responsible.